[An extract from Poojya Swamiji's correspondence dated 11th August 2004]
Dear and blessed P and R:
Harih Om Tat Sat. Your loving letter of 28th July is before me. I am reading it again as I write these lines. The earlier email also was received. You have written well in both – heartily and touchingly.
While to some extent desire and consequent burdens are quite usual with household life, the fact remains that this plight robs away the very purpose and fruition of the householder. The question is: Do you like such a plight? If you do not, the straight answer will be: be free of undue desire and the burden it fetches. Learn to live in peaceful harmony and welfare.
Desire of any nature always constricts the mind. Such constriction disables the mind to express itself fully, healthily, and harmoniously. Understand this mental truth and always think of avoiding desires and the consequent torments. In reality, it is not desire but something else far higher that should verily work in the human. The truth about it will be known only through right exposure and enlightenment.
To have a child is to be happier. With the child and the consequent involvement, if the very objective of happiness is adversely affected, is there not something wrong in our attitude? And then, does not the situation call for re-evaluation? With the childbirth, you have assumed a new status – one of the Creator, like Brahmaa, the Creator of the world. This too is a great, good and complex role. Have you become awake to this? Or is it that you are not able to rise to its lofty level in your mind, intelligence and ego? Will you examine your inner framework and find out where it stands?
Your spiritual practices, in fact, should have been intensified with your new status. For, by that alone you can detect the deficiencies and strive to redress them. Think whether this is so or not.
The answer is obviously not for you to be at home looking after the child wholetime. Nature Herself has made the female partner to give birth and also to nurse, tend and nurture the young one. Let this be recognized and honoured. No counter thought or reflection need be fostered. One alternative could be that the father ‘mothers’ the child and the mother ‘fathers’ him. Will it make any difference? Would that be orderly or natural?
To nourish oneself and the others close by is the prime responsibility of any individual. Even if he does not fulfil this, his body and needs are to be met. The means for it has to come from somewhere. There, some one must be striving for making this means available. That means, the resources can result only when right perseverance takes place. A non-exerting life is unimaginable. It is antagonistic to Nature. Idleness is never the scheme of Nature. Striving alone is. Every speck of Nature is beaming with pulsation and activity. In the human, besides the biological body, there are the conscious constituents – mind and intelligence – too. These should find their due expression in the active field. Therein lie the meaning and glory of human life. I am writing all this only in fulfillment of this inner function and to facilitate a parallel response in you.
On account of dear N, you should neither have a disturbing concern nor exceptional indifference. The right attitude will be to allow him to grow. For that, give him the right nourishment. Do not fail in providing the necessary timely inputs – audio-visual, touch and taste. To feed a child, to spend time playing with him, inducing progressive responses in him, is quite natural. It does not call for any desire or other motivation. Only unenlightened people need desire to accomplish this kind of inter-personal behaviour. We even feed a cow in the cow-shed lovingly.
In providing these timely inputs, you have to be effective, judicious and enlightened. Intensity of feeling, introspection and imagination should be amply there. Most parents bungle in this most important facet of human life – child upbringing. Equip yourselves amply in this respect.
Then N will grow well in time. By no means can few years of his growth be shortened or compacted. Spend some time everyday interestingly with him. You will find it totals up to be a week, month, a year and decade. At no time can you feed him for two days at a stretch!
Ensure you have the necessary wherewithal for it. This means you also have to work, where your naturally acquired merits will be employed to generate world productivity. Do well in that mission. Neither there nor in the domestic front, desire should intercept and spoil the sublimity of human mission.
In the professional front, it is seemingly a gross, external objective mission and harmony. In the domestic segment, it is a different note. Both come within the orbit of Nature. What is called for is a fair appraisal of the facts, needs, and persuasions. Effect these wholeheartedly.
Do not disturb the whole relationship by the notorious desire, possessiveness and ego. The mind is much better without these knots. The intelligence has the ability and compulsion to facilitate the mind’s working by ridding it of all tormenting and agitating notes. That would be the true spiritual effort or saadhana.
So restore your practices. In their fond embrace, you will be able to accomplish your professional tasks in a lesser time. For instance, a one-hour job will be done in 45 minutes; a one-hour reading can be done in 30 minutes. Why not discern the benefits and be nourished by them?
One important spiritual discipline is: Do not do what you like. Learn to do what is necessary. Likewise, do not always try to avoid what you dislike. That may not be possible. You want to be at home, but that is not possible. You do not like to be in office; that too is impossible. What then? Learn to accept what you dislike. This means your effort must be to culture a refinement and loftiness whereby the mind will always rise above its likes and dislikes. Develop a broad and creative platform to be able to do whatever is necessary and desirable.
The sublimation of your likes and dislikes has thus been the first contribution by little N. I wish him a sustained, healthy growth and nourishment. He will be a good soul.
I wonder whether this gives you any insight and inspiration. All this is equally for R.
Love and ashirvaad. Ma and Nutan Swamiji send you loving good wishes.
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